I Want Control Back

I am mad. I fell asleep in the living room at 9, woke at 10, put the baby in his bed and was then wide awake.

I went on Twitter for a bit, hung out with some other PPD fighters till midnight. I popped a Xanax to calm my anxiety and went to bed.

What do you know? Xanax wears off about four hours later and guess who is awake? That'd be me. I am in bed, writing this on my phone. Damn tiny ass keyboard!!

I went to Dr. Psyche last week to talk Abilify. It was working great but I was constantly having to keep my mind stimulated resulting in triple multitasking. I wasn't even tired on 3 hours of sleep. Fuckin' super power shit....

So he cut my dose a smidge and suggested I take the Abilify in the morning rather then at night. That night, I slept great. Now? SSDD. Except I am in a bad mood now. Not all glittery sunshine like before.

I am not depressed at the moment, always subject to change. My feelings have shifted from craving my baby like a crazed lunatic to only slightly looking forward to seeing him. His needs upset me because it triggers whining and crying, and noise? Cuts me like a knife through butter.

What changed? My dose, but the old dose had me wired and my blood pressure was elevated and the anxiety was high because of the restlessness. Did switching the time I took the meds fuck me over sideways or was it the dose decrease? We are talking a 1/2 a millogram.

I also got my thyroid retested, TSH went a point higher instead of lower. So my Synthroid was increased and I test again in 6 weeks.

I am so tired of PPD running my life. It has the remote control and is fucking with my channels when the program is just getting good.....